Grieving is a never-ending cycle. It’s one of those things where when you get to step 3, you relapse, and you are back at step 1. Grief sneaks up on you at the craziest times. You can be sitting at work and suddenly, your next breath is taken out of your lungs. It hits you like a linebacker hits a quarterback in the Superbowl, determined to win. Grief doesn’t care what you’re doing, who you’re with or where you are. It hits you while your standing but internally you’ve been knocked down.
I remember the first time I was consumed with grief after my dad passed. We were driving from Florida to South Carolina to prepare for his services. I was in the passenger seat of the truck and my aunt was driving. Suddenly it hit me that my dad was gone, and his body would be making the same ride to South Carolina. I’m not sure what made my aunt look at me but I remember her asking if I was ok. I said no please stop the truck. She pulled over to a convenience store and I jumped out. I couldn’t breathe, the tears started and I threw up. My aunt sat me down and the woman working brought out a drink for me. I was trying to catch my breath and my mom got out of the truck and walked right over to me. She started rubbing my back and that was the first time she saved me from the death grip of grief.
The day after my dad’s funeral, my mom was at her aunts’ house so I woke up with no immediate task to do. I realized I didn’t have anything to do or plan and grief consumed me almost instantly that morning. I felt helpless and so lost. Grief is overwhelming, it hits me, and I feel tears forming in my eyes and I have to say not right now or not today to make it go away. Never let anyone tell you that grieving is something that ends because it doesn’t. You become stronger as you walk through life with the open wounds of your heart.
Open Wounds
