I see a lot of angry and hurt caregivers talk about their loved ones knowing exactly what they are doing and the mistreatment is on purpose. Questions I want to ask them are; have you truly researched their illness, have you dealt with past issues you had with them or are projecting your hurt and anger about being a caregiver and watching them deteriorate onto them. There is so many other things that can be occurring other than this person knows exactly what they are doing. Don’t get me wrong there are certain circumstances where this is true but as caregivers we need to be more self aware of our emotions and feelings.
In the beginning, I took my Mother’s episodes personally because I was hurt that dementia had taken the Mom that I knew. I was so confused at how swiftly life had changed for us. My Mom paid her bills on the computer on Tuesday but on Friday she was diagnosed with moderate to severe dementia. How and why did this happen to her? Also I didn’t understand this dementia monster. I researched frontotemporal dementia and realized this disease was apart of our family before the diagnosis that Friday in 2014.
I shifted my mindset by researching her illness, addressing my hurt and anger, making time for self care no matter how big or small the activity or time would be, accepting the new normal and continuously made new memories during the different phases of the journey.
To my fellow caregivers I know caregiving is heavy on the heart, mind, body and soul but if you start to shift your mind one aspect at a time, more happiness and peace will come your way.