Every loss is different. No two parents that have loss a child will feel the same. I dislike when people say, “I know how you feel” when you’ve loss someone or went through something tragic. You don’t know how I feel and it’s ok to be supportive by showing up or checking on me. But some thoughts are shared amongst different losses, most of us probably feel cheated of TIME. You hear it all your life, no one is promised tomorrow and regardless if you believe it or not it’s some people you want around forever. I wanted my parents around forever.
As I stood at my father’s grave on July 11, 2015 I felt cheated. On the same row some plots down is his mother, who passed in 2009. How is it that I was saying goodbye to him so soon when he had buried his mom when he was 56. My dad and I talked about my wedding day, the day I would become a mom and so much more. We always said “we still have a lot of things to do”.
My mom had grew tired of waiting for me to get married, she would whistle at young men to get their attention and point at me. Even though I know how to cook thanks to my parents, she would offer to cook my dish for her church’s singles ministry potluck. She was beyond ready, she had all granddaughters and wanted a grandson. Today even through her dementia she asks me “Are you married” and “Where’s your baby”? Those questions remind me that she’s still in there. Yes she needs supervision all day but my mom who wanted her kids to be happy is still in there.
I’m so thankful that I had a relationship with God before my parents became sick because there is no way I would be sane today without God. Not only was my Dad taken from me, my mom was a year into her Dementia diagnosis and could no longer be left alone. I couldn’t breakdown because she needed me. After my dad’s services we returned to Florida, I slept in his hospital bed for 3 days and she told me “you have one more night in this bed, he wouldn’t want you to be like this”. My heart was so full of emotions in that moment, I was so thankful for that moment of clarity for her to be my loving, nurturing mom that was aware that her child was hurting.
It’s been almost three years since my Dad passed and 4 years since my mom was diagnosed. When I start to feel down about experiencing life without him or not being able to have my mom at certain events, I say thank you Lord for the memories. I wanted more time but I’m grateful for what we had.
Thank you for sharing. I just recently had to put my husband in memory care. No one can know how it feels… but people do try to share humanly in others suffering. It helps lift it somehow… not sure how that works except that carrying each other’s burdens starts sometimes by sharing. So, again, thank you for sharing.