My Mom is my favorite boxer.
Some may shy away from talking about physical altercations that occur during caregiving but it happens. I would never call my situation abuse because my Mom would have never done this if it wasn’t for dementia.
My first week as a caregiver literally started off with a bang. My Mom hit me with her purse, my head hit the hospital door and I passed out. One minute I was trying to calm my Mom down and the next I woke up with a knot on my head, a headache and I was in a wheelchair.
My Mom was diagnosed later that day with frontotemporal dementia. I couldn’t be in denial after that situation. However it showed me what dementia was capable of. While caring for my Mom I paid attention to every detail to identify signs of progression, frustration or aggression. I learned her triggers quickly. Also I learned how to deflect and de-escalate intense situations.
That was my only time experiencing my Moms swift hands but there were other incidents. She was nick named Golden Gloves at the ER of the hospital she would go to when she needed medication adjustments. During your caregiver journey there are times you have to laugh to keep from crying so when the nurse told me the nick name I laughed. I became very familiar with the hospital staff. After they didn’t listen two times to my suggestions they allowed me back with my Mom immediately on ER visits to mediate the situation. The nurses and doctors would tell me you’re so good with her. I hated seeing my Mom heavily medicated. Whatever I could do to make sure that didn’t happen I did.
Golden Gloves would be cool, calm and collect with a hot male nurse taking her vitals, she loves Tamela Mann’s “Take Me to the King” and if you tell her she needs to take her asthma shot you can draw blood or run an IV. In her darkest moments with dementia my Mom slow danced with a male nurse in the hallway of the ER and slow danced with a fire fighter because he bargained with her to take her vitals.
As a caregiver a lot is asked of us but especially in those moments when our loved one has no control over their emotions we must gain control of the situation and bring things back to a productive level.
What are your strategies to deflect? Have you discussed medication changes with their doctor? Do you know what calms your loved one?