The commercial was right nothing prepares you for the moment your parents need you to care for them. Disclaimer to you the reader, nothing I tell you will prepare you for that moment but everything I tell you will motivate you through the rough patches after that moment. It was like an extended nightmare. Each day for at least the first week I woke up not wanting to believe any of it was true. My dad and I knew something was going on with my mom and I was taking her for brain scans that week. However early Monday morning my mom ran to where I was sleeping at their house and woke me up saying something is wrong with your daddy. As soon as I saw him I knew he was having a stroke. I picked up the phone and called 911, while on the phone with the operator I was rubbing his hand and telling him everything was going to be ok and I wasn’t going to leave him. This was my dad’s second stroke. The EMS arrived and he helped himself unto the gurney. Once we were at the hospital he was moving his arms and legs but they needed to keep him until they could restart his blood thinners. While we were in the ER and my mom was sleeping, my dad looked at me with a lot of concern in his eyes and voice. He asked me if I could handle everything that was going on and I told him with God; him and I would be able to take care of whatever was ahead of us. I just knew my dad would bounce back and we would be home in a day or two. I also reminded him of something we would say over the years, “you built me Ford tough daddy”.
Little did we know the bottom of our world would fall out in a matter of days. My dad spent the first two days in ICU laughing and eating regular food. Then he moved to a regular room on my birthday. He was telling everyone who entered the room, “Today is my baby’s birthday”. My mom was manageable but agitated. Later that night my dad’s stroke tripled in size. I returned to the hospital the next day with him unable to speak, unable to sit up and he was unable to move any of his limbs. I didn’t understand how could this happen he was doing so well. My sister had spent the night with him but had to go back to Charleston that day. My brother was due to arrive early the next morning from Hawaii.
The series of events that occurred that next day took a piece of my heart for eternity. I watched my mom go to sleep the night prior in her right mind but she woke up not understanding what was going on. I didn’t see it before she left the hospital early that morning with my brother but later that day she would end up throwing objects at my brother along with words, jump in and out of a truck at red lights and stop signs. After spending 20 minutes with my mom the ER doctor told me “I need you to prepare yourself for a Dementia diagnosis”. How could this be, she was 59. By this time my dad had been experiencing horrible tremors so he was heavily medicated and unaware of the situation.
The week prior I had went to my parents’ house and crawled into bed with them and we watched the Planet of the Apes marathon from beginning to end. We stayed up so late that night. Fast forward not even seven days later and my dad was on the ninth floor and my mom was on the second floor of the same hospital. This is the condensed version of the first week one day I’ll go into more details.
I’ve learned so much about myself since becoming a caregiver. I pray my transparency and vulnerability helps someone. My tears will have purpose and my parents’ strength and love will be heard through this blog.